Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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