just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
