ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
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woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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