I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
