someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
