His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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