I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
