I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
