Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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