We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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