if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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