My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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