i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
