I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
