She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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