why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
nutella sex= disaster
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
