Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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