so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
