toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
