This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
