My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
