I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
