I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
