I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
