You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
