Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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