what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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