i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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