we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
