yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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