Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize