Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
