he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
