some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
