i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
