Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize