so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
