I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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