I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
