we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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