She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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