I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry my hands just texted you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
