ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
someone get that fucking seahorse.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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