good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
