Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
