The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
