eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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