You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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