I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
