It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
