WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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