just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
