Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
