You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
