No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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