Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
