where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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