And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
