I just cut my nipple shaving
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
