Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.