Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica