I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...