Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season