So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
it's like iHOP with fire
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.