i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
