It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
