Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
