I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
