I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
