I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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