i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
