the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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