my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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