I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
