theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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