I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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